Boarding zones, the ultimate showcase of modern-day social stratification.  There’s 40 minutes until scheduled departure, the boarding agents motion towards the PA phone and unfailingly two-thirds of the flight’s passengers will start clumping in front of the boarding gate (the opposite of a British queue), all desperate for either an overhead luggage space or simply to board the plane earlier than the next person.

First to board?, of course it’s not Zone 1.  It’s some combination and ordering of “those who need a little extra time to board”, “families with young children”, and “active duty military.”

The clumped crowd twitches and clutch their Zone 1 and 2 boarding passes a little tighter, while at the same time trying not to make eye contact with those nearby and jockeying for position.

“Medallion members, “gold or silver status”, then “gold-pressed latinum exclusive.”

Finally the Zone numbers are called out, as the chaotic and live-action class system plays out.  Ultimately with everyone, wait for it, on the airplane.

Wasn’t It a Simpler Time

Let us wax nostalgic for aviation’s golden age of the 1950’s and 60’s: actual cocktail lounges on the second floor of the 747, it was still permissive to smoke a cigarette at thirty thousand feet, and there was a single boarding zone where men were dressed like Don Draper, and any such gentleman would gladly wave a lady in front of himself in queue and with a tip of the hat “good afternoon ma’am.”

It’s 2024, can boarding zones possibly get any worse before they get better?

Luv Me Do

Let’s fix the boarding zones for Southwest Airlines whose company board is under pressure from an activist hedge fund to make business changes, claiming “poor execution”, i.e. “y’all need to make more profit.”

Southwest is famous for their single cabin class and A/B/C 1-60 boarding groups.  It is possible to pay a premium for a lower boarding number, but it’s an old and antiquated scheme.  And it needs to be updated for 2025.

Maths and Stuff

There will no longer be a boarding ‘zone’, rather everyone shall have a Boarding Value™: any number with up to two decimal points, including zero, can be negative.  The higher the BV, the earlier you’ll board.

When you purchase a Southwest ticket, upon check-in you will be assigned a random BV between 0-49 (e.g. 11.25, 47.55), or for a premium you can get a higher BV starting range of 50-100.

Now the Fun Begins

After check-in, a BV market (specific to your flight) opens for trading on the Southwest mobile app. Grab your smartphone!

If you were granted a high “49.5” upon check-in and you’re flying alone and in no rush, you can put up any number of points (let’s say ‘20’) and name your price.  Surveying the crowd at your gate, you sense there is sufficient demand.  You place an ‘ask’ of 20 @ $15, someone takes it within 30 seconds and the fungibility thing happens: you’re debited 20 points to 29.5, and someone else is 20 points richer (or ‘closer’) to boarding, and now your two beers on the flight are paid for.  Revenue: Southwest will take a 1% commission on all BV transactions, and half of that amount will be donated to a non-profit committed to producing sustainable jet fuel.

Let’s not limit ourselves to a basic marketplace…

Virtual in-app black jack: getting to the table costs 30.30 BV (30 BV to play with and 0.3 for the house), and if the dealer wins a hand it goes into the Southwest ‘wallet’ which will dynamically put them up for sale on the marketplace.

There may even be an API for other companies to integrate with and enhance the BV product. After FTX exits bankruptcy Southwest could welcome them to form a coin, futures contracts, options, and other exotic derivatives market.

btw, We Came Here To Fly On An Airplane

With all this trading and gambling who knew waiting at the boarding gate could be so fun?  Or that the time could pass so quickly?

With 30 minutes before boarding, the market closes and everyone has their BV locked in.  The Southwest computer divides the flight into quintiles of BV values and everyone boards according to the quintile their BV falls into.

On the Flight

The cabin doors closes and just before the safety procedure demonstrations, the flight attendants will announce the total amount of BV donations generated.  Hooray for sustainable jet fuel!  And that’s a fun anecdote to bring back to the office after your travels: “Apparently there was a lot of BV trading on my flight, the total donation amount raised was over $2000!  I think there was one whale and he was standing near me because he was super busy on his phone and ended up being the very first to board.”

In Summary

More technology, fungible BV, a free market, additional revenue, gambling, and money was raised for a good cause.  What’s not to like?  In thirty years I don’t see anyone waxing nostalgically for quaint boarding zones a la 2023.